Sometimes I wish I had a family. I mean I think I at least deserve one parent or some relative that actually tries to be an active part of my life. I don’t have a role model or an active adult in my life at all and sometimes that really hurts. All four of my parents in their own way left my life. You see usually adoption is a way to get a family who will love you every single day for the rest of your life. The odds were really low that I would get parents where the mom gets Alzheimer’s when I was nine, and a dad where if you say the wrong thing will throw an ashtray at you or punch you in the head a few times. I have 8 siblings and none of them talk to me on a weekly even monthly basis. I had literally one connection and it died with my mommom a week before my tenth birthday. She seriously was the only person who just loved me unconditionally for exactly who I was and still is. Ugh I just needed to vent cause im sitting here crying and not feeling to good. 

I hate how certain people can be so nice one second and then so cold the next. Its just a big pet peeve of mine, I tend to be pretty honest with my emotions and I expect the same respect. If you’re gonna be mean we won’t be friends if youre gonna be nice we’ll be friends, you can’t fucking do both.